Facebook Skeptic Gifts

"Jeff's trying to get his Facebook friends back down to zero."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

I.T. Fear

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

"No one uses Facebook anymore. I'm on this new thing called make-believe."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

Coffee. The phrase "where everybody knows your name" used to sound warm and friendly. Now, with all our personal information exposed online, it sounds scary!

Privacy

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Big Brother.