Facebook Skeptic Gifts

"Jeff's trying to get his Facebook friends back down to zero."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

I.T. Fear

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

Privacy

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Big Brother.

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"