Social Media Skeptic Gifts

"I used to call people, then I got into e-mailing, then texting, and now I just ignore everyone."

'No Facebook page, no Twitter, no blog... and you expect kids to believe in you?'

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

"Just ignore it. It's click-bait."

'Facebook stock dropped on news that a psychologist said facebook friends are not real friends.'

"His Highness is changing his relationship status."

"Now go to the comment box under your picture and type, 'No matter what you've been hearing, I'm really a very nice person.' "

"Somebody tweeted."

"Who would of thought that with this many 'friends' one could feel so alone."

"We're actually gossiping at a water cooler instead of on social media. Does this make us hipsters?"

'My god, this is it... I'm finally getting my fifteen minutes of privacy.'

"Bob believes that most of his deeply held opinions are the result of 'extensive research," but I sort of suspect they're just the result of prompts suggested by the Youtube algorithm."

'Talk about unpopular...I just rejected a friend request from myself.'

"Grandpa, before selfies and social media, how did people self-promote?"

"Howard?! This is quite the contrast from your social media profile."

Facebookdead

"No one uses Facebook anymore. I'm on this new thing called make-believe."

Who is behind the computer?

'If you embraced social media, people wouldn't doubt our existence.'

'After analyzing 5 petabytes of Facebook data and 800 million tweets we were able to conclude that our customers are idiots.'

'Don't worry, your secrets are safe with me and my facebook friends.'

'Counting you and the outpouring of comments on facebook, that makes three.'

'You know, I don't need your approval. I can have all my crackpot opinions validated on the internet!'

'Don't you mean you want to learn to 'Tweet,' not, 'Twerk,' Grandma?'

"Do you have any other references apart from those comments on Facebook?"

"I write reactionary half-truths and broad generalizations, therefore I am."

"The internet wants to destroy your productivity."

'I had no idea who I was going to vote for... Then I read a Facebook post that changed EVERYTHING.'

'My life is so boring, even I don't follow myself on Twitter.'

"And who gave you the first opinion? Facebook, Twitter or Whatsapp?"

'We're taking baby steps with this whole social media thing until we're certain it pans out.'

Smooth Operators -"We should monitor Twitter."

'I told you never to Facebook, Bebo, Hotmail, Yahoo, MSN or phone me at work...'

'You can't thank grandmom with a tweet! She deserves the respect of a good old fashioned email.'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'