Face Contortionist T-Shirts

'Say when you want me to start!'

Face painting.

Yoga for Alcoholics

Romantic Giraffes

Face painting by numbers.

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

Clown Face Painting

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

'Oh, look - a juggling stilt-walker painting that little child's face!'

Tweet! Tweet! Tweet! Ok, team it's a tie. We're going into overtime. First score wins the game! Let's see your fiercest game faces! That's it! My sudden death panel!

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

"Is that Technical Support? My computer's fine - I just don't know how to operate my chair."

Face painting children with no facial features.

Face painting - children have no faces

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."

'Creamed beets freak me out.'

Flo was mortified when she discovered that her web cam was broadcasting when she was testing out possible new looks.

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

Jackson Pollock's short-lived career as a kid's party face painter.

Multitasking

Gymnast tangled up.

'Well if you can't make me look like Cameron Diaz, just re-apply my lipstick and touch-up my mascara thanks.'

'I'm all about quantity.'

"You said to hire a face painter and I did! Bill is a mortician!"

Man chooses head from cupboard.

Multitasking

Yoga Class. Ernie, check this out -- The "lotus" position! Looks more like the "low-tush" position!

"Yes, you work quickly, but kids expect a bit more detail."

"My daughter tells me that you work in the entertainment industry?"

'He's at the pinnacle, but not at the pinnacle of his PROFESSION.'

'Promise you won't smudge his face painting?'

Pretzel Co: 'Tell me...why should we hire you?'

Planning officer has a man in his in-tray: 'In order to speed up the system, I have my own personal member of the public to consult.'