Contortionist At Heart T-Shirts

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

Yoga for Alcoholics

Romantic Giraffes

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"Makes me wish I'd kept that gorilla suit."

"Cat-astrophic Trifecta" "I pooped in Mona's Jimmy Choo handbag." "I knocked over grampa's ashes." "I buried a Barbie in the litter box."

'It's too cheap, can I haggle you up?'

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

Thumbing a Lift.

"I suppose you think that's funny."

"Is that Technical Support? My computer's fine - I just don't know how to operate my chair."

'How many balloons did the kids tie to your doghouse?'

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."

Artistic license.

Pranking Zombies

Clown balancing on various objects looks with worry at the two children eyeing up the football supporting it all

Echo in the hippo.

Cat and mouse with elecrtical outlet.

Angel with a halo nose piercing.

"If we're to have a serious relationship Nigel, you must stop ringing my bell and running away."

Multitasking

"Remember when they just pinned a 'kick me' sign on your back?"

"Thanks for substituting. I left you some private notes in cursive."

Gymnast tangled up.

'Miss Walker, bring a new pair of underpants right this minute!'

Graffiti on baseboard.

'The competitor in lane five is completely naked!'

"Okay, it was a mean trick....but it was funny when I told John Gregory that used to be Tom Flynn!"