Fab Fur Parent Pillows

'Of course they're real diamonds! It's a designer coat: She wants me to match her purse...'

"Foster failure"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

Babies vs. Dogs

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

Fleas Navidad.

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

Fur Baby

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

Dog wearing jumper to hide his spots.

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

'Honestly, now that Tiger is neutered I'm perfectly happy just cuddling.'

Cat Zoom Meeting

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

When is he coming home buddy?

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."

"Stop asking me. I don't know who's a good boy."

"It's a good boy!"

Upper East Side Dog Park

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'