Fab Fur Parent Gifts

'Of course they're real diamonds! It's a designer coat: She wants me to match her purse...'

"Foster failure"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

Babies vs. Dogs

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

'Honestly, now that Tiger is neutered I'm perfectly happy just cuddling.'

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

Fur Baby

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

Dog wearing jumper to hide his spots.

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."

Cat Zoom Meeting

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

"Stop asking me. I don't know who's a good boy."

When is he coming home buddy?

Upper East Side Dog Park

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."

'I do not pamper the dog, now get out of his chair!'