Eye-winkers Pillows

"I hate guarding potatoes with all those eyes staring at me!"

Cats want answer to the big questions in life.

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Cat puts off paying gas bill, to sleep longer...

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'

"Who. Who. Who. Or is it Whom?"

"I've got an office and I've got a window, but I wouldn't say I've got a window office."

"Cloud work next 3 miles."

Theory of Gravity

MD to patient: 'So, it's a little fuzzy and you're seeing spots?'

The final proof that they were closer to humans than we ever thought.

"Look, Phil, I can see your shadow!"

'The only part of the universe which isn't expanding is the budget for this place.'

"Oh, very well - make that life with the possibility of parole."

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

'If birds reproduce by laying eggs, what's this BIRDSEED stuff all about?'

Cat DNA is decoded.

Psychic near sign: Madam Zoe. Palms read futures told weather forcasts given.

Double-glazing salesman's spiel sends household to sleep.

'Behind every great teacher is a class rolling its eyes.'

'Too many gaspers kept the turtlers from catching the ridley.'

"I didn't mean to imply your laugh lines are funny, Mrs. Carpentier."

"Once again the weather took an unexpected turn."

'So let's see, if the groundhog stays out we'll have an early spring.'

"Do I have fourteen days to change my mind if I don't like being married?"

Three people wait to be interviewed for the job of weather forcaster, only one of them realised that it might rain and brought an umberella.

'Now what?'

Girl to mother regarding blowing wind: 'I wish the wind would breathe in.'

"I replaced every window in my house. Then I discovered I had a crack in my glasses."

"Can you give me a little extra today, sir? - I'm getting married tomorrow."

Nobody likes a detached retina.

"Tiddley Wink"