Extreme Boredom Humorist Gifts

'I warned you stamp collecting is a dangerous hobby, especially when your jaw keeps locking in a yawn.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Skiing.

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

Death Boss

Mountain climbers, "Someone's been here before us."

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

"Don't think of it as being laid off, think of it as a cure for your workaholicism."

"Perhaps I should have warned you...They really don't like wholemeal bread."

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Have you farted. . . ?"

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'Clayton enjoys living on the edge,'

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

Gone out...here is a computer simulation of your dinner

'If a bear attacks and I have to play dead I want it to be as convincing as possible!'

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

Ranger has sign saying 'Do not feed the bears'. Bear crosses out sign to read 'Feed the bears'.

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

"Tell me about the sunshine, George."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."