Extravagant Diner Gifts

Your reciept, sir.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'Try the steak tartare...it's okay.'

"For drinks or dinner?"

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

Culture clash

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"We'd like a quiet table for two where my wife can justify spending three grand on a handbag."

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

Man eating his meal with his feet.

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

'Can I get you anything else, sir?'

'Genuine Venutian Bistro.'

'You might try the chef's surprise, if you're a real daredevil.'

"Last night I dreamt I was in a fancy french restaurant and everyone was very glad to see me."

"I hear the sparrow-goldfish chowder is to die for...at least once."

'It would never work out, Harry -- I'm wine and cheese, and you're beer and pretzels.'

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

Naughty Food

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

'There's a chandelier in my soup.'

"I'll start with the arugula-and-goat-cheese salad, and then I'll have the blackened wolf."

"We're all dying to try something that you set on fire at our table."

"Can I pay you after I get my tax refund?"

'For some reason- no one knows why - it got a reputation as a power hot dog.'

Lunch at the Carlsbad Caverns.

'This evening's specials include 72-month financing on the filet mignon.'

Ah! Bejezus...for the love of Mike...This wine is corked

"Must you create a scene every time the bill arrives?"