Extramarital Affair Gifts

"Now, you wait right here while I go ask my wife for a divorce."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

I drive, therefore I am.

'Where Are They Now?'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

Chekov play and scorecard,

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"...Then she took the divorce settlement money...and set up a company that's putting me out of business."

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"Wake up. It says here I was right about that thing I said."

"Ok, now can you read this text from my ex-wife? Because I'm scared to."

"As a matter of fact, yes, it was an amicable divorce."

"I don't see what you see in him."

'My daughter eloped with a mime...'

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

'When they announced a 'ladies excuse-me' my bird said 'excuse me' and left'

'Muriel and I were like two ships passing in the night -- I was boarded, plundered, and scuttled!'

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

'After our divorce, will you marry me?'

"As soon as I've seen my shrink you can have your rings back."

'On TV they play dramatic music as the contestants enter the ring'

"Michael. ... That's my sleazeball of an ex-husband's name."

Car parked illegally has 'divorce attorney on call' sign in window.