Expense Report Extraordinaire Pillows

"I've never seen you work so hard."

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

"Your expense account ain't what it used to be. There's not enough money on your card to cover the $5.35."

'It's a type of credit card that self destructs when it reaches the limit I've set for you.'

"I'm not sure if that bill is correct or not, sir. We just throw a bunch of charges on there to see which ones stick."

'I'm on the workaholic's diet. I only eat when I can put it on an expense account.'

'I barely have time to flaunt my expense account.'

'My expense account isn't what it used to be. So for lunch I'm taking you fishing, and we'll eat what we catch.'

"Hey! Great haircut!!

"You spoil that dog."

'I expect a little padding in the expense account, but yours is a kingsize mattress!'

Just remember, don't claim for lunch unless I was with you.

"I hope you don't mind ordering the free bread and water. My expense account isn't what it used to be."

'I want to give two weeks' notice that I'm quitting my job and two months' notice that I'm quitting my expense account.'

'Give me the bill, it's a business expense.'

"Step in here Kimble, I'd like a word with you about your expense account."

"Terrible. It's just terrible. He's the third accountant I've hired to calculate my per diem."

Losing Money on Gas.

'Thank you for you car expense claim . . .why are you wearing bicycle clips?'

'From living beyond our means, we've gone to living beyond our wildest expectations!'

'Any other hidden operating expenses you haven't told me about?'

'Hope you don't mind...because it's the holiday season, I've written 'Happy New Year' where the amount should be.'

Faulty Toaster

'Finally have an expense account and I'm always on a diet.'

"Dear, you can't blame everything on the high price of cable..."

"So tell me, did you install gold, silver or platinum water pipes?"

'I barely have time to flaunt my expense account.'

'Now we're really going to live beyond your means, Walter.'

Shoot, I just paid one of these a few weeks ago!

Gas: Taxpayers welcome! Spend your rebate here!

'My job is ruining my family life, harming my health and destroying my self-respect.. but I can't quit and give up a great expense account.'

'I'm going to have to reclassify you on my expenses form.'

'New right wing panel, £450.'

"I don't see why all the sudden fuss. For us the mortgage crisis is a monthly event."

'Ahh bills . . . Have you ever heard the expression, 'kill the messenger'.'