Expense Account Humorist Pillows

'I'll call my sales manager and see if it's OK for you to have dessert.'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

Budget reaction.

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

Budget Opticians.

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

"My research on the effects of total inactivity in humans is nearing a breakthrough. Just one more 5-year grant should do it."

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

"The fifty-five-gallon drum is completely filled with pennies, sir. Should it be taken to the bank?"

Dollar sign balloon.

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

'All these bailouts are silly - why don't they just give everybody their own ATM machines?'

Computer that runs on money.

HMRC Self-Assessment - Poor

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

He sometimes wondered if his new trophy wife was just after his money. (Towels read 'kin' and 'next of kin').

From "The Letters Of Jeffrey Flanders and Tip-Top Utility"

'So, from now on, due to economic conditions, you'll be our son on a contract basis, renewable every year. Any questions?'

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."

Have You Claimed Your PPI?

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"