Expecting Hilarity Gifts

'Oh no! We're being spammed again!'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

Just your average family holiday portrait.

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

Man on desert island sees tightrope walker on horizon.

"Okay, okay - I'll keep my day job!"

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

"OMG! They're eating noses!"

'Why not just serve Thanksgiving dinner in the shoe department next year and be done with it??'

"I mistakenly stood in the doorway when kids sunday school released."

"Oh, oh!!"

"It's okay mate, I only need the cork from your bottle."

"The baptism is Sunday, and not a moment too soon, I might add."

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

'I encourage natural childbirth - gently coaxing the baby into the world. If that fails, I go with brute force and intimidation.'

Cleaning Pig 'They're actually very clean animals.'

'The hunger pains are only one T.V. commercial apart.'

'We want to thank you, Doc...The bag worked!'

'Dogs love kids because our faces are always within licking reach.'

"Except for that time he pecked my eyes out he's been a good bird."

"Your baby should be arriving on this date. I just emailed you the tracking number."

'I'm being let go. Twenty years I give this place, and that's the thanks I get.'

John's renewed focus on valuing people had been misinterpreted.