Expectation Humorist Gifts

"That was the vet - the cat's pregnant, not me."

Atomic Bear: Part 21

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

Congratulations! When are you due?

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

'There is not a thing that medical science can do for you. Have you tried 'wishful thinking'?'

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

Peace Negotiator now available for Weddings, Funerals, Christenings, Barmitzvah

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is McWit Construction actually finished a job on time.'

'I'll need four character references.'

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

'Oh no! We're being spammed again!'

'We've decided to give the baby a great start in the job market by naming him Doctor.'

'Can‘t you knock before coming in? I could have been doing God knows what...'

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

"Can you hear me now?"

"Oh, oh!!"

Big book of daft names for kids.

"This diamond is puny. If you are really serious about marrying me you've gotta give me a much bigger rock!"

'Well, what if I were the last HETEROSEXUAL man on earth?'

Border Security

Crossed fingers on a sign for the operating room.

'I encourage natural childbirth - gently coaxing the baby into the world. If that fails, I go with brute force and intimidation.'

"If Hell exists, it's probably stuffed with Christians... Same as prisons."

You'd better hope PETA doesn't find out you've got me working up here without a net.

Coffee Table Remote Controls