Expectation Evader T-Shirts

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"It looked better on pinterest."

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

Cunning as a Fox hey? Well, I saw you cheating Mister! D-Minus!

'The doctor's office said you cancelled your appointment and put a restraining order on the rest of them.'

'Well, what did you expect?'

There's so many things I should be doing that when I procrastinate, I'm multitasking.

"So...what did you learn in school today, Baldo?"

'A Mr Ritzwell to see you, sir. Are you in, or are you using the escape tunnel?'

"Nope. I came here to relax and not check my messages."

"Run to the store and buy me a tub of ketchup!"

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

'What's the point of having a luxury car if you put it in the garage at night?'

"Sorry I'm late, but I was somewhere else."

"He's not good with change!"

'I'' be in the basement, Amy... below the radar.'

You're too young to be worrying about SAT tests. But I have to score well to get a good job someday. In the real world, no one hires people who're only good at multiple choice questions. Actually, Nana

"If that's for me, tell them I'm in a meeting."

"I have a prescription for my test anxiety."

'Son, you need to get your priorities wrong.'

"Can we, just for a moment, your Honor, ignore the facts?"

Why Do We Always Want Something Better For Our Children Than What We Had For Ourselves?

Car driving on tube line - 'They'll do anything to avoid the new congestion charge.'

"I'm a wunderkind slash flop."

The Misleading Wine Fridge

Rudy, it's come to my attention you've spilled 348 gallons of coffee and tea. What? I did not! I'm talking over the course of the last 16 years. Don't bother denying it, every time you've spilled a drop, Gunther measured it. Gunther? Who's Gunther? That's what I named him. He came here on a low-skilled work visa. He's been working under the floorboards ever since it expired. Very bad man.

"I got what I wanted, but it wasn't what I expected."

"What an exhausting weekend! I made too may commitments Friday during Happy Hour and spent Saturday and Sunday weaseling out of them."

"Math scares me so much I can't even add it to my list of anxieties."

"I'd like a word with you please."

What say we save a tree, and skip the test?