Expectation Evader Gifts

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"It looked better on pinterest."

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

Cunning as a Fox hey? Well, I saw you cheating Mister! D-Minus!

'The doctor's office said you cancelled your appointment and put a restraining order on the rest of them.'

'Well, what did you expect?'

'A Mr Ritzwell to see you, sir. Are you in, or are you using the escape tunnel?'

"So...what did you learn in school today, Baldo?"

'What's the point of having a luxury car if you put it in the garage at night?'

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

"Run to the store and buy me a tub of ketchup!"

"He's not good with change!"

"Sorry I'm late, but I was somewhere else."

"I have a prescription for my test anxiety."

"If that's for me, tell them I'm in a meeting."

'I'' be in the basement, Amy... below the radar.'

'Son, you need to get your priorities wrong.'

"Can we, just for a moment, your Honor, ignore the facts?"

Why Do We Always Want Something Better For Our Children Than What We Had For Ourselves?

Car driving on tube line - 'They'll do anything to avoid the new congestion charge.'

"I'm a wunderkind slash flop."

The Misleading Wine Fridge

"I got what I wanted, but it wasn't what I expected."

"What an exhausting weekend! I made too may commitments Friday during Happy Hour and spent Saturday and Sunday weaseling out of them."

"Math scares me so much I can't even add it to my list of anxieties."

"I'd like a word with you please."

What say we save a tree, and skip the test?

"Mr. Rod, my dad wants to clean the garage tomorrow...and he needs me to pack boxes and haul tons of stuff. It'll probably take all day!"