Excuse Note Enthusiast Pillows

'Why can't I see the type of imagination you put in this excuse note in your school reports?'

"The note in the bottle said someone's stranded here, but where is he?"

My other cello is a Stradivari

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

Bob tries to get off on a technicality.

"I'm good enough at making excuses that I don't have to be good at anything else!"

'I married him because he made my feet tingle when we played footsie. Turns out it was neuopothy.'

"I'm sorry, but your child just isn't very sharp. But don't worry. It's perfectly natural."

'A cyber-terrorist stole my homework. I have a note from the CIA. '

"My dog ate my homework. Then the backup files were hacked by Russians."

"I compose using post it notes!"

'There's a Mr Tilbin here to see you sir. Shall I tell him you're on the phone, in a meeting, or out of the office?'

Adult Absence Notes.

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'I think he is a composer.'

'Your homework got washed away with your house! A likely story young man! See me after class!'

"My dad ate my homework."

"For your information, officer, I was not ‘texting’ – I was reviewing candidate applications for fellowship grants!"

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

'Boy, am I hungry. Alll I've had to eat today is some homework!'

Remorse code

'Sorry I'm late. I woke up on my back, and you know how turtles are.'

"I'm all out of answers! Get me my book of excuses!"

"I put catnip on my homework. I think he'll eat it!"

Must be one of those underground bands.

"I can't help the fact he's fallen in love with the barmaids poodle."

"I'm still waiting for an apology!"

Conductor Smokes Musical Notes.

The 1 Minute Scape Goat.

"I have bad knees."

'Not tonight, Rodney - I have to delete e-mails.'