Evaluation Skeptic Gifts

"Also, that random comment you made three years ago will count against you."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Suggestions box in a toilet.

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

Coincidence or What?

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'Don't hide behind sales figures, Bill. We both know terminating me is philosophically unsound.'

Weight Gain Denial

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

'I'll give you this, Henderson - you're no worse than anyone else.'

Woman and scales.

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

Please seat to be weighted.

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

'Your weight second opinion.'

Alternative Accountants

"What do the know!"

"Your call and personal data may be monitored for brainwashing purposes."

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

Cats are not as intelligent as you think.

'LIAR!'

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

"I've torn up the questionnaire but am using the lovely pen you sent me"