Eulogy Writers Gifts

"But if I don't learn handwriting, how will I be able to read Grandma's letters?"

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

Our busy Sundays are Christmas, Easter and hurricane season.

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

"You realise that the job involves Sunday work?"

Spice Up Your Conversation - Quote Yourself...

"Is writing 'wait for laughter' on your sermon really necessary?"

"Your sermons are colourful and have the common touch but you'll have to cut down on the effing and blinding..."

First words: 'Da-da...'. Last words: 'Ah-argh!'

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

'If God tells you what to say in your sermon, why do you make so many corrections?'

www.TedBdead.com

The late Cretaceous period.

'They always say such nice things about the departed at funerals, it's a pity they're not able to hear them.'

"Yes, Mom was a junk-yard dog but she was full of love."

"-Haven't seen my notes for Sunday's sermon lying about anywhere, dear?"

"He just sits there all day reading the obituaries and giggling."

Obituary Writer

Editor reasures subscriber that he will get an obituary

'After reading all of these glowing obituaries, I thought you'd be taller.'

Billy Noiviates: 'Stayed In'

Epitaph: I Will Test You When I Get There

Obituary Editor

"Why do you read obituaries every day?"

'The New York Times obituaries had some good things to say about you. However, none of them are in this book.'

Sorry Alvin Feister...Has gone to meet his maker - please try again later.

"Not a mention and I was chairman of that golf club for over ten years!"