Eulogy Gifts

"All we have left is standing room only."

He looks so natural lying there...

'He loved that dog.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'He was a great writer'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Life and Death

Life after death

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

"I guess laughter wasn’t the best medicine."

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

2pm meet your Creator

Ventriloquist Grave

Cricketer's funeral

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'He never listened to his mother!'

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

'At least they did a good job on him.'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

'Melvin, you're trying my patience.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'