Eternal Realist Gifts

'I tried being deluded by optimism. That didn't work.'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

This is forever... till death do us part...

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'And do you promise to be the one out of two marriages that does not end in divorce.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"I thought I'd come back YOUNG!"

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

'Joe's really slow to take hint...she's been wearing that dress for two years.'

'We're conducting a survey to find out how many married couples still have that old feeling.'

Pensioner's Romance

ONE IN A MILLION

"Horace, what are we doing on the same cloud? Our vows said 'till death do us part.'"

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

Damned if you do...

I know it was the biggest moment in your life, but honey - our wedding was six months ago.

"No one rides off into me anymore."

"Die alone"

Internal Clocks.

'I hate it when teen angst becomes mid-age angst.'

"Get with the program, Barry, the certificate clearly said, 'till death do we part'."

I resolve to drive past a gym at least twice a week

How coal creates jobs

"You can be anything!". . . "Take whatever you can get."

'Love gets the credit, but money makes the world go 'round.'

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

'I keep looking for a keepr, and all I find are fixer-uppers.'