Essay Haters Gifts

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"Teacher! What happens if we don't turn in our homework on time?"

I hate sitting in traffic jams. - 'Move it! I need to get work.' - 'I hate sitting at my desk.' -

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

"Sure I know what it adds up to. It adds up to another 'C' for Eddie Goldbeck."

Prison Governor - Trays read: In/Not if I have my way.

'In the first place, my domestic science teacher wanted to show me how to cook but now, she wants me to write an essay about the difference between onions and bulbs!'

"I hate hibernating! All our devices need updating. And now we need to go through a thousand phone and text messages."

'I don't know why she says I didn't spend enough time looking for an interesting topic. Aardvarks are interesting.'

"Dinner will be ready soon, so don't fill up on homework."

'Another day another dollar Maurice, but boy do I hate kids!'

"I am studying the alphabet. I'm watching ABC."

'Yes, Frank. I'm sure you can make two hundred words out of just twenty six letters.'

"When I grow up I'm going to become president and I'm going to abolish homework!"

"Think of it -- you'd never have to fold another shirt."

"Bill and I hate the same books."

"My teacher gives out a lot of homework. I hope I get a dog for Christmas."

'My wife isn't really a morning person.'

Chez Homework

'I've located the source of all that annoying spam we've been receiving...preparing to destroy.'

"Baldo, you never seem to be in a hurry to finish to do your homework."

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

'Close the chat room and start your homework or I'll pull the plug and switch you to America Off-line.'

Bird is begging near sign that reads; 'Can't get up early enough to catch a worm. Please help.'

'As you can see, my dog has an eating problem. My homework was just one of the things he ate today.'

'I write non-fiction with a dash of rubbish to confuse the critics.'

"I want you to stop giving my son homework."

"You know I hate queues, let's wait for the next one."

Homework eaten $2

'You'll like this new dog food Gus. It's homework flavour.'

"How am I supposed to enjoy being home sick if you keep bringing me my homework?"

You'll have to explain this horrible essay grade to my dad. He thought it was some of his best work!