Esquire Gifts

'My fee will be one third of the two million you're suing for, but remember, I do all the work.'

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

'What makes you think you know so much?' - 'Your questions.'

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

The Inn Keeper's Wife and Daughter taking care of the Don after being beaten and bruised.

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

Children's questions

'I always answer their questions with a question - it drives them nuts!'

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

Knight

"Stop asking so many questions, or it's right back to Books on Tape for you."

Barrister uses legal speak to ask for two sugars in his tea.

'Granted we have to do the research. And we can do some research on the research. but I don't think we should get involved in research on research on research.'

"Let's explore our opinions."

"I may be your page today, but someday, I hope to be the whole book."

A Country Boy Throws a Turnip at the Squire.

"Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise."

Sure, it's just to find the royal remote, but a quest is a quest, Ernie!

"I don't know how he does it. He preaches entire sermons without using the words like, cool or awesome."

Another Cerebral Question. The future is right in front of us and we can't see it. The past is behind us and we can see it. What kind of logic is that?!

Impressive opinions you can pass off as your own (Entertaining at Dinner Parties).

"Is there a section at the bottom for comments?"

"Mind if I ask a Bloody Good Question?"

Veteran using medals for an eye test.

'Why, yes, a banner season for squash! What makes you ask?'

'Looks like the blighter's given me the slip again.'

"I'm dating an exorcist..!"

'I can't hear you. Fred, did you get the raise?'

"Well, I liked it until I read the reviews."

'Sorry, sir, but we don't have a category for that.'

'Are you the opposite sex, or am I?'

"I stand corrected. There ARE such things as stupid questions."

Two sides to a question

"With your rhetorical skills, young man, do you realize that you could become a mogul?"