Squires Gifts

A Country Boy Throws a Turnip at the Squire.

"I may be your page today, but someday, I hope to be the whole book."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

Crowded Ice Fishing

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"The man who invented autocorrect died from the corona vibrator."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

Test your patience, back in one hour.

'Oh, I don't have a problem, doc. My friend here has a problem.'

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

A man wrapped in bath towel looks in closet where a bunch of identical men hang, each in a different suit.

The Inn Keeper's Wife and Daughter taking care of the Don after being beaten and bruised.

Customer to skin artist: 'Can I just get a tattoo of a body piercing?'

"That's a good look for you, J.B."

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

Two men in war bonnets sit in front of a giant skull

The Hollowdays.

"This place is famous for the way they serve eggs."

"I think he's lost."

"Did you get it at Bed, Birch and Beyond?"

"Just even it out."

Knight

'If I don't like it, I rearrange your face.'

Barrister uses legal speak to ask for two sugars in his tea.

'Gone Crazy'

"How do they tell each other apart?"

Trying to hold on to the question.

The first marsupial.

Companies are looking for alternative transportation

Nightmare in the yellow-breasted bunting aviary: Mrs. Havesham is back and this time she means business.

"Mom!!"

"I like the suit, but do you have it in a smaller check?"