Esoteric Medicine Fan Gifts

Cephalic Snuff as a Cure to Head Colds (After J. Gillray)

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

New Age Store.

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

Witch Doctor

'Take two of these, and call me in the morning!'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

Warning: Cathartic manifestations of childhood trauma next 5 miles

*Not suitable for those with an allergy to consciousness expansion

A Mom and Pop Operation

"Lately my joints are stiff." "You're rollin' 'em too tight. Try vaping."

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

"It might be time to put you on a stronger anti-inflammatory."

An unlicensed acupuncturist

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

"Dude, we've struck cannabis oil! We're going to be rich!"

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

"I thought you said you were dating a rich doctor!"

Psychic: Palm reading, tarot, and lost and found.

Cowboy Acupuncture

"If you ask me, your Christmas gift return policy is too liberal."

Acupressure Gauge

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."