Escalator Evaluator Pillows

'The brakes aren't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...The escalator isn't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...why don't you walk up?'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

Rodin's Irish Judge

"This data shows us that we are going up to a new level."

'YOU try telling him!'

Sheep Escalator

STRIP "Looks like the escalators on the blink again"

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

Sex Score

"Has it been in your family long?"

Beginner Level Escalators

"It all began with trying to measure project outcomes."

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

"It's our first anniversary, so I've written up your performance review...."

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

"Oh wait, we need to be on the 1-9 North bound escalator to get to the food court."

'I see that wearing underwear endorsed by Michael Jordan has done nothing for your jump shot.'

"Buying stuff online has rekindled Sean's literary ambitions. They're always asking for customer reviews."

'Our fare hike will leave service at the same level, just like guess what?'

"Also, that random comment you made three years ago will count against you."

Inconsiderate cleaner.

Skeleton on an out of order escalator.

'Your new boyfriend has potential, needs some omprovement. Overlooks a few things.' 'My husband is an estate agent.'

Favoured angels were given a special pass for the 'Lift to Heaven'

"O.K., one at a time, step forward and say, 'That's it, lady - you've blocked your last escalator.' "

Mall Talk

"Well, was the claim evidence-based?"