Environment Humorist Gifts

I'm on a campaign against wind. As in: The weather condition? When I'm outside and the wind blows, my cellphone picks up the noise and the person on the other end can't hear me. Okay. So don't talk on the phone when it's windy? What in the world is wrong with you? Right. I forgot who I was being talked at by.

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

'It's an extinction notice.'

'I got tired of wet feet all the time.'

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

The new green legislature requires methane mitigation.

Recycling bottle bank.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'...and this is the water garden...'

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Climate Conference. I'm glad you enjoyed my speech, but please don't call it the "high-water mark."

Dr B orge tests his new cow-fart ozone depletion meter.

The Joshua Tree

This is where Brent council sends you

Oil Spill Hits Wall St.

"This is a terrible table!"

'It's self cleaning, and runs on natural gas.'

'...the downside, of course, is that I can't get the damn thing in the garage.'

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

"You'll have to have it neat, sir. We're running out of ice."

"Is it safe to come out yet?"

"Rising sea levels."

It's on. My new favorite game show! Welcome to: Garbage, recycling or compost?! Dana from New York you can walk away with $10,000 or try to double the green! Double, please. Okay, Dana, here's your object: A takeout container from a local restaurant. Garbage, recycling or compost? Geez. I'm guessing it would depend on whether it's got some cardboard or it's fully biodegradable. Final answer? Recycling. Wrong. Garbage! I knew it. Ridicule her! You've lost your green, loser! I'm sorry. I try so ha

'There! another batch of clean coal.'

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

...and there's no shortage of natural gas!

Perfect solution. Free street lighting, and we sell the surplus to the national grid.

You Are Here.

"No, I don't recycle."

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

"Let's not migrate, and just say we did.;"

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

'What we have to do is utilize some pollution control equipment in our manufacturing of pollution control equipment.'