Enlightened Viewer Gifts

'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

"That's the preacher's dog."

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"You've been served."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

"Well, it gets lonely up here!"

'You use HERBS to help you levitate? - How does THAT work?'

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

"'I think, therefore I am'? - How illusory can you GET?"

OM, SWEET OM

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).