Enjoys Quirky Therapies Pillows

Acupuncture.

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

Family Butcher.

Man on psychiatrist's couch: 'It was a cry for help, really - I tried to slash my wrists with rollerblades.'

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

"Hello Mum .. The Doc wants to know if I have difficulty making decisions. What do you think?"

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"No heroic measures."

"I feel like we're finally making progress."

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

Odd Spas

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

"Have you ever heard anyone yell 'EEEK! A psychiatrist!'?"

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

'I can't even watch football on TV. When they go into a huddle I'm sure they're talking about me.'

"You do realise that you are not the only client scheduled this morning?"

"I guess I'll never understand women."

'And now Patrick will tell us how music has helped him with his problems.'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

"Dad, can you just ground me instead?"

"Race you to the spleen!"

"All he wants to do is chase me around the house!"

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

Multitasking: Psychiatry and Podiatry.

'My mind keeps wandering into restricted areas.'