Enjoying Office Comedies Gifts

"A tactical entry team is here to see you. Are you available?"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'Not here - home!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"Benign so far."

'With the firm growing at the speed it has there are bound to be a few problems...'

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."

'A word in my office Jones.'

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"I heard you're top dog in trust and loyalty training."

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.