English Lit Lover Gifts

"Nothing much. Reading a book by some dead white female."

Jane Austen Powers

A Puppet Named Juan

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

I will study my speling words...

Thru versus Through Traffic

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Thomas Mann.

Victor Hugo

The DaVinci Code

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'