English Lit Lover Gifts

"Nothing much. Reading a book by some dead white female."

A Puppet Named Juan

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

I will study my speling words...

Thru versus Through Traffic

Thomas Mann.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

The DaVinci Code

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

Punctuation Police

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

Television Readers.

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'