English Lit Enthusiast Gifts

Ben Jonson

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"Meet The Author"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

First Novels.

The Dorrie Decimal System

"Now I really hate poetry."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Voltaire

Blue Stockings

'He likes to power nap.'

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

John Bunyan

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

Cat rolls up yarn like power cord.

Don Quixote

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

George Orwell

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

"Author does not do tricks."

"Oh, this old thing?"

Sue the Author 3PM

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

"So, hw ws yr smmr?"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.