English Class Jokester Gifts

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

'Does this have anything to do with Einstein's theory of relativity?'

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

it's back to school time, Frank. I think I have everything I need. I have a new backpack, pens, pencils, erasers, notebooks and, of course, a mask. We don't need those anymore. Speak for yourself. Zzzzzzz.

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"But, Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"You idiots … we lost!"