English Class Jokester Gifts

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

"You idiots … we lost!"

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"I think Baxter needs a break."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).