End Of Marriage Gifts

"When the divorce is final, Carl, and I've taken you for all you're worth, I hope we can still be friends."

'To a vinculo matrimonii.'

"I've labelled the file on my marriage 'Do Not Resuscitate'."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Try Mediation

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

"...until death do you a favor."

A married couple share the same pole vault.

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"I heard they mate for life."

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'