Empowerment Skeptic Gifts

'I'd like to thank you for participating in our new 'colleague empowerment policy'.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

New from Low-Key Press.

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Twenty Blades Razor

Editorial Control

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

"To the unsophisticated, I suppose, I'm guilty."

"He spends most of his time outside. I have to force him to come in and play with something electronic."

Older cousin press

'Self-help books for cynics'

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

'I haven't been trying for years and look where it's gotten me.'

'I did it the hard way. No self-improvement books.'

Success Without Effort

'Thank goodness, the publishers rejected my self help book.'

Down with Chicken Soup Books

'Bucky's new book, I think.'

I'm away from my desk. Any message you leave won't be of any importance to me.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

Self Help ...Beg, Borrow, and Steal

"I'm thinking of skipping the holidays this year, in protest." "Very good, little buddy." "I see you've read chapter 7 of 'Randy "the Rock" Taylor's Guide to Winning Respect'." "Become an admirable person by sacrificing something meaningful to you, in order to help others achieve something meaningful to them." "I'm very proud of you, young grasshopper." "I'm protesting the fact that I can't shop at H&M on Thanksgiving 'cause they'll be closed."

"How to spot a rip-off" Save thousands! Only £120

'What shall I do with these old books of yours? '

Panel with Experts to be broken in case of emergency

"So basically you are looking for books on changing everyone except yourself."

"Thanks for granting me permission to marry your daughter, Mr. Anderson. I'll let you know when I make my decision."

'I'm afraid your problem is a serious misprint in your home-medical guide.'