Emotional Intellectual Gifts

The Book Lover

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Sometimes I like to come here by myself and contemplate ... or just scream about you."

Large Emoticon Collider

'My husband is very sensitive. He cries when he sees sunsets, old romantic films, and falling values of his 401(k)'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Your feelings may be artificial, but that doesn't mean they're not real."

"...and those are my deepest, most intimate feelings about our friendship."

"It's nice to feel wanted though, isn't it?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

Two Rages Passing in the Night

Thin Tank and Emote Tank.

"I learned one thing today. Attitude trumps aptitude!"

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

Romance is more difficult for robots than it is for people. Sure, we can check for compatibility by comparing operating systems but until battery technology improves, all our relationships will be on-again, off-again. Worst of all, we can't handle passion. When the sparks are flying a romance blowup will follow.

"There's my very first school - where I learned how to hug."

'With this organ transplant, you may find yourself doing a lot of thinking with your heart,'

"We added it just for the millenials."

"You can't let the tick birds continue to define you."

"Real men cry these days....."

A stairway leading into a heart leads out from the brain.

'You are crazy, but in a NICE way.'

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

'Don't act too happy that school's out. You'll hurt our teacher's feelings.'

'Look, I know I'm just the bread, but I feel like you guys aren't being emotionally honest with each other and it's going to cause problems down the road.'

Prozac, Lexapro and Lithium.

"If your emotional intelligence is so high, why do you always forget our anniversary?"

"People can bridge the great distance between the Earth and the Moon..."

"Your difficulty communicating how you really feel, is because of your inherent inability to display complex emotion."

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."