Emotional Intelligence Buff Gifts

Boss, what's the best way to break up with someone without hurting her feelings? Hush money. What? Offer the dumpee a cashier's check for $5,000 on the condition she refrains from having hurt feelings. If she just can't do that, then you should be compassionate and offer her a $1,000 check as long as she agrees not to burden you with her hurt feelings. Very bad man. Compassion is an essential component of any severance package.

Hot chocolate. Huh? What? Uh, sure. What's the matter? Are you sad? You look sad. No, no. I'm fine. Hot chocolate coming up. Oh, okay. I'm definitely not sad. How come adults won't say when they're sad? I am the opposite of sad.

"Honestly, Baldo...the magical spark between boyfriend and girlfriend...it's just not there for us."

Hug therapy for the lonely at-the-top executives.

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

Banana Split Personality

Large Emoticon Collider

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'Harvey, did you notice what a beautiful full moon we have tonight?'

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"Your feelings may be artificial, but that doesn't mean they're not real."

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

'I screwed up royally!'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"It's nice to feel wanted though, isn't it?"

"All a cat CAN do is strive for authenticity."

Two Rages Passing in the Night

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

The Book Lover

Thin Tank and Emote Tank.

'It's just like any other doll except this one needs hours of therapy to work normally.'

"I learned one thing today. Attitude trumps aptitude!"