Emotional Connection Skeptic Gifts

Man thinking - "The sex I can cope with. It's the cuddling afterwards I can't stand."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Emotional Bling

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"People who don't believe in soulmates just haven't met the right animal."

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

Cupid misses his shot.

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

Family Feeling

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

Yes, but.

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

"And you're telling me this because?"

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."