Emotional Connection Skeptic Gifts

Man thinking - "The sex I can cope with. It's the cuddling afterwards I can't stand."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

Emotional Bling

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

"People who don't believe in soulmates just haven't met the right animal."

Cupid misses his shot.

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

Family Feeling

Yes, but.

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

"And you're telling me this because?"

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

Second Thoughts Wedding