Emergency Room Physician Gifts

'Didn't your doctor tell you that you're not supposed to light the nicotine patches?'

"Dr. Lutz is the city's top funny bone man."

"The resilience of the human spirit can be truly inspiring."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Being Serenading in Casualty

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

'No, no, no. Shout 'clear' BEFORE zapping him.'

In case of overcrowding in the ER break glass.

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

First aid departments

'Is it urgent?'

'Where does it hurt?'

'Where does it hurt?'

'Looks like we could have a pandemic on our hands.'

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'

'For my family, Christmas and New Year's Eve is the busiest time... my husband is a spirits dealer and my son is an emergency doctor!'

"Sorry -- The doctor is out -- But we have like 10 influencers available."

It would be so great if, just once, someone didn't waltz in here complaining about something. Emergency.

Out of Emergency into Doctor's Lounge

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

'Please Pardon the Inconvenience as we Remodel the ER.'

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

Operation/Grim Reaper

'My mom told me to keep my hands out of the cookie jar, but nothing about my head.'

'Next.'

Musical Accidents

A paramedic-in-training's nightmares.

Extreme sports injuries ward.

Emergency Room: 'Quick! Get some ice on this injury.'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.