Emergency Managers Gifts

Extreme weather hits America.

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

'I'd say you're a little late...'

Energy performance certificate nailed to wall exhausts employer.

Hurricane damage to trees

Musical Accidents

The firehouse has a cat instead of a dalmation.

Death in the red zone

"It's the first responders wondering when you'll be needing their services this weekend..."

"We'll feel pretty silly if it's downgraded to a tropical storm."

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

'So do you want one with an accelerator, or one with brakes?'

Other Than That Everything's Perfect

'Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today!'

Wildlife Management.

"I suppose one of us should call somebody."

Good News/Bad News: Crisis Control Center

"First, we need to stabilize his spine!"

Save the bacon,

Factory foreman says: 'Sometimes the machines here do try to take over the world. Last week the coffee maker even had a go.'

Purvison heads our environmentally-conscious growth fund

"Two quarter-pounders, with fries and two large sodas. . . hey Tom, ask the guy in back if he wants anything."

"Earthquake? You need Tracy Island, this is Tracy Emin Island."

'Not THAT glass, you idiot.'

Hello, fire department and sundry municipal services. Help! Fire! It's the kitchen! Don't panic. Remain calm. Calm?! We've got a major grease fire. Hey, I can't be expected to do everything … What? Answer the phones, put out fires, clean the parks, garbage collection … What part of fire don't you understand?!

Fish Is Rescued By The Emergency Services

Accident and Emergency - Call to Clean Up Hospitals (Man reading paper is about to slip on a banana skin).

"Until we hear different, it's Jersey's problem."

'Sir, we've just received word that our company is not longer a threat to the environment, and you have a squirrel holding on line two.'

"Where's the fire, pal?"

Typical Monday

"Just whose idea was it to have an earth fire drill anyway?"

Disaster relief - the experts arrive.