Emergency Manager Gifts

"We'll feel pretty silly if it's downgraded to a tropical storm."

"FEMA here. No, we haven't had any substantiated reports of earthquakes."

My job is to put out fires.

"Just whose idea was it to have an earth fire drill anyway?"

Forest Fire Hazard

'Turns out I too am a slow-moving mass of low pressure, running in a counter-clockwise direction...'

It's Who We Are.

FEMA sleeps during the storm.

Good News/Bad News: Crisis Control Center

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

'Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today!'

'No subway, no bus service, no gasoline, no electric. . . I wish the city were up and running!'

Hurricane damage to trees

Cuba materials for hurricane recovery

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'I'd say you're a little late...'

"It's the first responders wondering when you'll be needing their services this weekend..."

Musical Accidents

The firehouse has a cat instead of a dalmation.

"Clear!"

'So do you want one with an accelerator, or one with brakes?'

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

"I suppose one of us should call somebody."

"First, we need to stabilize his spine!"

Factory foreman says: 'Sometimes the machines here do try to take over the world. Last week the coffee maker even had a go.'

Risk perception/Risk assessment/Risk communication/Risk management

Fish Is Rescued By The Emergency Services

'Not THAT glass, you idiot.'

Accident and Emergency - Call to Clean Up Hospitals (Man reading paper is about to slip on a banana skin).

"He's one of the presidential candidates who got hurt in the debate fight."

Hello, fire department and sundry municipal services. Help! Fire! It's the kitchen! Don't panic. Remain calm. Calm?! We've got a major grease fire. Hey, I can't be expected to do everything … What? Answer the phones, put out fires, clean the parks, garbage collection … What part of fire don't you understand?!

"Earthquake? You need Tracy Island, this is Tracy Emin Island."

"Two quarter-pounders, with fries and two large sodas. . . hey Tom, ask the guy in back if he wants anything."

"Until we hear different, it's Jersey's problem."