Embracing Age Pillows

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

"I come from the future."

High Pants/Low Pants.

'No, thanks. My folks won't let me get any piercings, yet.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'