Embracing Age Gifts

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

Aging Support Group

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

High Pants/Low Pants.

'No, thanks. My folks won't let me get any piercings, yet.'

"I come from the future."

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'