Embalmer Gifts

My Child is an Honor Roll Student At the Alax School of Embalming.

'Why, no, I don't have any nail clippers on me. Just do like I do, and use your teeth.'

'Oh no, the men are talking shop again.'

'And as a full time employee, Ruth you're entitled to 15 percent of all caskets and embalming supplies.'

"Wrong line, buddy."

Customer Service

"She looks sooo good."

A stuff of taxidermists

"It wasn't that he was a mortician, it was that he liked to bring his work home with him."

"He looks so natural."

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'I blame global warming!'

Ultra-lazy sloth

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

After many years of wavering Dennis finally makes the decision to step out of his comfort zone.

"I live for the moment. That moment just happens to be in the indefinite future."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

Businessman at the deep end.

'Hey, Birdbrain, does the word ozone mean anything to you?'

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

Anxiety of Change

"What an awful morning. I left home without my phone."

Starting is the scariest part.

'Going bald isn't all bad - just think, you'll never have dandruff again!'

'Of course things change: our fathers were replaced by machines - we'll be replaced with new software.'

"Teacher believes in performance-enhancing hugs."

"If you think he's doing a bad job with this, you should see him trying to wrap a birthday present!!"

"YOLO, baby. YOLO."

"Keep it long at the back and big and bushy on top please."

Fear and Uncertainty

New Normal

"Over here, Phyllis. I've moved to the center."

Salman Rushdie