Email Guardian Gifts

Bob soon began to hate his new anti-spam software.

Hate Platforms

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

"No, kid, we don't call these 'attachment icons.' We call them paperclips."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

'The worst thing is not having access to your e-mail.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"