Email Efficiency Expert Gifts

"This could have just been an email."

"He must be a smart phone executive."

"My email is down... talk to me."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Out and In.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

Motivation to work

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Spam in Hell.

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

The paperless office sign covered in post-it notes

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

"Is there an option to make my out-of-office message permanent?"

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."