Email Marketing Critic Gifts

"I just wanted to be removed from the mailing list."

"My email is down... talk to me."

Out and In.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Spam in Hell.

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Executive Asks Death To Wait

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

My Spam Sketchbook

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

"I'm so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all."

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

'Everyone's in a rush these days!'

Messenger of the gods in the digital age.

The Horn of Unanswered Email

"Our ideal employee will be able to answer email in their sleep."

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

"I can't believe my box is filled again!"

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."