Email Specialist Gifts

"Every time I close my correspondence with 'warm regards' I feel a little creepy."

"My email is down... talk to me."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

Out and In.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Spam in Hell.

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

"Is there an option to make my out-of-office message permanent?"

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Executive Asks Death To Wait

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

'Harold is the brains behind the Smudge-o-Rama mailer.'

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

Spam in inbox.

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"I'm so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all."

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

'Everyone's in a rush these days!'