Email Efficiency Advocate Gifts

"This could have been an e-mail."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Out and In.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Maybe clean out your wallet

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Motivation to work

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

Spam in Hell.

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

'It says it works so fast, it's accumulated seven thousand years of vacation with pay.'

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

'The worst thing is not having access to your e-mail.'

Executive Asks Death To Wait