Email Complainer Pillows

"This the last time I reply all."

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"Whine and cheezed party."

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

"What a day. I almost lost my smug look of detached superiority."

Only two months since school started. How long do you get off for summer break, Rudy? Oh, months and months. Just to kick back, sleep in late, have a great time with zero responsibility. Waaaa. Introduction to sarcasm. And I get tons of recess.

#notblessed

Complaints Desk

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

'Typical, I hadn't finished complaining about the rain...'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

Welcome to Yosemite, Hell on Earth!

"Oh no, I never replied to Theresa's email! And tomorrow I must call Steve.... What does Yara think of me?"

'This decaf's lousy.'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"Frankly, I can't really understand why my husband would be referred to as a "Domestic Cat": he does nothing around the house..."

'I don't like to complain, Evelyn, but aren't these family reunions getting out of hand?'

"In what way do you feel you have been unfairly treated?"

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

Bob's whine cellar.

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

"I don't like it already."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

Ryanair refunds

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

Medical Bracelet

'What the hell good are new federal regulations if they don't have teeth?'

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

'Aren't you done yet? This is taking forever! I should have went somewhere else!...'

Input (not yours) and Output (only mine).

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

'Sure I had the world on a string, sittin' on a rainbow, but my finger turned blue and my hemorrhoids were killing me!'

'I'm just going to our front gate for a chunner!'